Wandering the savage garden…

Responsibility

I haven’t been feeling well lately – nothing serious enough to keep me from working, but enough to make a lot of things very challenging. Thought to come back to: “Truth,” posted yesterday, which was not part of a reaction to not feeling well, for the most part…

The reason my slight not-wellness is significant is staring at me in the kitchen sink. I’ve been trying to make sure the dishes are (and stay) done as as part of my reprioritization for the new year (along with some other common household chores that really aren’t difficult to do, but have a tendency to stay undone when there are three young men in the house.)

My oldest decided to make a vegan mac-and-cheese – a choice I don’t quite understand, as I don’t know how cheese can be vegan. It was horrible, he said. (I wouldn’t eat it; my wife makes some of the best mac-and-cheese I’ve ever had, and I’m not going to waste time on imitations and perversions of it.)

Part of his task of making this vegan mac and cheese was to clean up afterwards. Let’s just say he … didn’t. He put water in some of the pots he used, and moved them towards the sink. Then he moved on to other things, perhaps intending to come back and finish the dishes later.

I think it’s since slipped his mind.

So here I am, looking at the dishes, feeling poorly. I’m a little resentful that my son hasn’t followed through in cleaning up after himself – and the other young men in the house haven’t done their part to clean up, either. I want coffee, you see – note how I’m avoiding changing tenses to keep you in the moment with me – and I don’t know if I have any clean coffee cups, because nobody – including me – has been doing the dishes.

It’s been a bit of a rough week.

As it turns out, I’ve done the dishes now (some of them; a load is running in the washer, and I’ll get the rest soon, including the things I need to wash by hand) and I did have a coffee cup.

But it got me thinking about responsibility, and thankfulness. I felt bad about the dishes, really, because it has been a priority for me, and I’ve been letting myself down a little (as you might see from some other things I’ve written lately.)

But it’s a responsibility I chose. To some degree, it’s definitely mine, but I choose to own it and how to own it, and that’s a grace shown to me by the love of God: I can see my responsibilities in the same pattern I see my sin.

I am responsible, and I am forgiven, and my acknowledgement and thankfulness is the motive power for my part. (The Grace of God doesn’t need me.)

I mentioned coming back to what I’d written (“Truth“) — and I will. But I’m still trying to analyze it – maybe I’ll get to it on a different day. It’s funny – it’s around five hundred words, and I think I could write another thousand about it.

I’m starting to see the real value of the five hundred words challenge – I find myself actually exploring themes and challenging myself through it.

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