I don't know how to handle my own struggle with selfishness. In fact, I struggle to the point where I wonder if it's even selfishness at all - but more a recognition of my own needs. I used to play in church bands, usually as a backup (because playing in the band is a job, and I wanted to go to church with my family, instead.) I stopped for a few reasons, but one of the strongest reasons was that I, as a band member - even a backup - was not getting fed at church. I was serving, but not being served. And there's the illustration in a nutshell, really: "What about me?" I was not being served - and that sounds incredibly selfish. But is it? If I were somehow to feed the world, but starve myself, what have I done? Eventually I'll starve to the degree that I'm no longer feeding the world, and everyone starves with me. To be sure, I wasn't wanting to be "fed" at church by adulation; I definitely didn't want members to point me out and say "what a star!" or whatever. What I wanted was to … [Read more...]